A Love Letter from an Arranged Marriage

When we moved to Northfield in UK we got some lovely neighbours. Two British families living in that street became friends in the course of time. During the initial days of our friendship when the ladies were talking about marriage they were curious to know about our atypical Indian arranged marriage. After sharing details of the not-so-fairy-tale marriage of ours they asked me THE question, “When did you two fall in love?” That question got me thinking, it felt huge to me and I didn’t have an answer at that time to give them. However, I didn’t want to keep them hanging for an answer and hence I told them that it was exactly when we held our new-born .

This question robbed me off my sleep that night and I stood awake half of the night thinking this over in my mind. I didn’t want to ask my husband before I find the answer myself. When did we fall in love? Was it after our son was born? No! not at all, when we held our baby for the first time we practically held our first big project to work together on as new parents. Jokes aside, we love him to the moon and back and he is our everything.

Was it love at first sight? No, it was ‘like at first sight’ for both of us —

“I think this person is right for me to share my life with”

“I think this person will take care of me when I am old, sick and bedridden”

“ I think this person will still respect me when I am old and wrinkled” .

Yes, it were these impressions and feelings that led to our marriage. The way we struggled in our life as young adults also added in as a plus point.

I couldn’t find an answer to that question for a long time. Then last year when we went to India we found something that needed immediate attention in my husband’s health report after a regular health check-up. It was not a majorly serious one but the word ‘surgery’ was heavy enough to ring the bell of fear in our heads and minds. He was admitted in hospital for surgery. After the surgery the surgeon called me in to see him and it was the moment I saw him in the post-surgery ICU ward that gave me the answer to my question. I held his hands tightly with tears in my eyes and he looked at me and smiled amidst the pain. I thought, there lies on the bed a man who smiles at me to comfort me even in the middle of excruciating pain and there lies a man whom I want to fight for and hold my hands with through thick and thin.

At that moment and the days that followed in the hospital made me realise that We fell in love. We don’t know when, which year or what day but we fell madly in love with each other somewhere in the 9 year journey of our marriage. Oftentimes we fought like cat and dog but those fights and the forgiveness that followed built the bond between us. This is what happens in most of the arranged marriages, we fall in love gradually, little by little even without us realising it. And it is the testing times of our life that revealed the depth of that love. (ps: that doesn’t mean the arguments are over, we are husband and wife after all LOL)

So to many out there who thinks arranged marriage is just marriage for families and society I am ready to challenge them or get into a debate with them. I understand the risks in it, not every arranged marriage is successful but the risk is there in both arranged and love marriages in it’s own distinguished way.

The beauty of arranged marriage is that we step into it with less expectations and with a readiness for adventure (huh!). Everyday, every phase and every minute we learn something new about each other. I sometimes feel that it is our willingness to accept the unexcepted that brings out the goodness in arranged marriages. The boy and the girl do not know anything about the other person and hence there is no comparison of before and after, there is only learning and exploring in the journey of life together through each other’s eyes.

M is for Making a future that will last

A is for Accepting both the present and past

R is for Respect for each other everyday

R is for Remembering those special things to say

I is for issues, which no doubt will challenge you

A is for Always find a way to talk to them through

G is for Growing the love that keeps you strong

E is for Endurance when sometimes things go wrong

— — Poem by Linda Harrison